What the hell is wrong with my Pintrest feed?

Alas, amidst the grievous tumult of mortal existence, surrounded perpetually by the incessant murmurings of humankind, social obligations most wearisome, and the ceaseless afflictions of youthful bewilderment, I sought refuge in yon sacred chamber known as Pinterest, a realm wherein I might cast aside the burdens of reality and devote mine attention to matters of utmost significance, such as admiring exceedingly handsome fictional men and their most exquisite fan arts.

Yet lo and behold, betrayal most foul hath transpired.

For the very sanctuary upon which I relied for solace hath, in its infinite audacity, grown philosophical.

Yes, I know. Even I didn’t understand half of what I just said except “handsome fictional men.” I literally had to keep an archaic English dictionary and ChatGPT beside me while writing that paragraph.

And all that dramatic suffering basically translates to this:

My Pinterest feed betrayed me by becoming philosophical and motivational when I simply wanted fictional men and pretty aesthetics.

Like respectfully, what happened?

I opened Pinterest to peacefully fawn over fictional book men, save random outfit inspirations I will probably never recreate, stare at aesthetically pleasing iced coffee pictures, and pretend my future house will somehow look like those rich-people apartments with suspiciously large windows.

Instead, my feed said:

Question your existence.

Reflect upon the fleeting nature of time.

Seize the day.

Excuse me?

Seize what exactly?

Because the only thing I am currently seizing is my blanket and emotional instability.

Okay so while doomscrolling for what I call “inspiration” (which honestly just means avoiding responsibilities while pretending to be productive), I stumbled upon the most rage-baiting phrase ever invented for an introvert like me who holds approximately a million grudges against every living organism.

Carpe Diem.

Apparently, it is a Latin phrase meaning:

“Seize the day.”

Or in dramatic philosopher terms: make the most of the present moment and take opportunities without worrying too much about the unpredictable future.

Well.

That sounds beautiful and poetic until you realize I cannot even seize motivation, let alone an entire day.

Also, respectfully, how exactly is an introverted person like me supposed to seize opportunities when opportunities usually involve… people?

And conversations.

Which already sounds exhausting.

Because apparently life expects me to walk up to strangers and magically become social.

No thank you.

I like mysteriously existing in corners.

Honestly, carpe diem feels like it was invented for extroverts.

Like yes, go out there and seize opportunities.

Meanwhile me:

Should I ask someone for help?

No.

Should I start a conversation?

Absolutely not.

Should I instead replay every embarrassing interaction I’ve ever had since 2016?

Yes.

Apparently.

Because why does talking to people feel like a government-assigned side quest?

And okay, maybe I’m overexaggerating. I know.

But how the hell is anyone supposed to “live in the moment” when my brain is still emotionally buffering over heartbreaks from approximately seven years ago?

Like the time I came home late, and my mom’s special dish was finished and nobody saved any for me.

Heartbreaking.

Tragic, even.

Or that one time I was purposely left out of a friend group thing and then accidentally stumbled upon them having fun without me.

Now THAT hurt.

Like wow.

Character development, I guess.

And no offense but crying for one week because your crush didn’t wave back at you is slightly unserious.

Especially when he looks like he escaped a science experiment that miserably failed.

Girl.

Stand up.

Okay, I know I’m getting off topic.

It is currently 2 a.m., and my brain has apparently decided linear thinking is optional.

Anyways.

Carpe Diem.

Lowkey, it sounds like carpooling.

Car.

Carpe.

Get it?

No?

Fine.

I’ll shut up.

But okay, jokes aside, I started thinking.

Maybe carpe diem doesn’t actually mean suddenly becoming fearless or magically transforming into one of those people who wake up at 5 a.m., journal, drink green juice, and somehow have their entire life together.

Because respectfully, that is not me.

Maybe it’s smaller than that.

Maybe it’s saying yes to random things even when they scare you.

Maybe it’s joining theatre club and accidentally finding people who make life feel lighter.

Maybe it’s posting your first blog even though the idea of people reading your thoughts feels mildly terrifying.

Maybe it’s laughing too hard with friends.

Listening to BTS at an unreasonable hour.

Drinking iced coffee like it is emotional support.

Staring at the sky for no reason.

Romanticizing random little moments because if life insists on being exhausting, then I at least deserve cinematic main-character moments.

Very RM-coded, honestly.

Like when he talks about appreciating tiny things or just existing quietly and noticing life.

Maybe namjooning is just another way of saying carpe diem.

But in a softer way.

Less “SEIZE THE DAY!”

More:

“Hey, maybe go outside, touch grass, look at the sky, drink your iced coffee, breathe for a second, and stop acting like life is ending because one mildly embarrassing thing happened.”

Which, honestly, feels way less aggressive.

So no, I still don’t fully understand carpe diem.

And honestly, I still think it sounds suspiciously like carpooling.

But maybe I’m trying.

Trying to stop waiting for life to magically begin.

Trying to stop saving happiness for later.

Trying to romanticize random Tuesdays.

Trying to exist in the present moment without mentally time-traveling into embarrassing memories.

Which is hard.

Very hard.

But hey.

At least Pinterest accidentally taught me philosophy.

Even though I still opened the app for fictional men.